How did the fireman get the cat out the tree? He sprayed it with a hose, killing it in the process.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Jon "Bones" Jones will be fighting Rashad Evans for the Light Heavyweight title tonight at 10PM Eastern time at UFC145.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can I have... ...a beer." The bartender asks, "What's with the large pause?" To which the bear replies, "I have... ...a speech impediment."

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What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

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Roses are red Violets are blue you smaell funny just like my poo! this came from the BOTTOM of our hearts!

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A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

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Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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The grandfather's grandson said, "They charged me $10 just for a cup of coffee!" The grandfather said, "They charged me with bayonets."

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Q: Why did the little boy who just got over a terrible sore throat fall down the stairs? A: His legs were brutally torn off by wolves.

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Can you spell iCup? I see you pee?

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What did Mel Gibson say to his wife? I apologise for my rude behaviour and intolorable cursing.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender!

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It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon... like... masterbating on an airplane.

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if i get 1,000 likes ill kill your hole family

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What do you call your mom after she brings a guy home from a bar? A very caring woman because she doesn't want him driving drunk.

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What did the nerd say to his friend regarding the test they had just taken? - Nothing, he doesn't have any friends.

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Why did I laugh at a joke? Cuz it was funny

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Colon Right Parentheses For all of the confused people out there that's :)

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knock knock Get off my porch I've already called the police.

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What do you call a Muslim that walks onto a plane? A passenger

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Why do gingers have red hair? Its genetically encoded in their DNA

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How long does it take to build a wall? it depends on how big he wall is

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Why did the girl ask for anal? She didn't. She was raped.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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