A Jehovah's Witness knocks on my door. I didn't answer the door.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Get in the van.

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"I see," said the deaf man, to the blind man, who had no ears.

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What did the dog say to the cat Nothing dogs cant talk

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Carl has 300 candy bars. He eats 295. What does Carl have? Diabetes. Carl has diabetes.

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carn ehney bodie hellp mie with mine smellings?

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What did the jobless man get for Christmas? Fired...

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

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What do you call cat that is on fire? Nigel.

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What do you call a hot underaged girl. off limits i am her father.

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how do you know when your in love? massive erection.

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Why did the dinosaurs die out? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Why did suzie fall off the swing? Because She had no arms. Why did suzie fall off again? Becauze Jimmy was trying to snipe her in the head the first time

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Why did Jenny fail her driving test? She was hit by a train.

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Whats worst then finding a repeated joke on anti joke? The holocaus.

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How do you make a mime cry? Hit him with an axe

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What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What happens when 4 friends throw an egg into oncoming traffic, they hit a fire hydrant!

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Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That's not funny.

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I remember my grandfather's last words he said to me before he kicked the bucket...."Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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whats purple and brown lucozade sport

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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