What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish.

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who lives in a pinaple under the sea? japanesse people!

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Why was the blonde staring at a container of orange juice? She wanted to make sure that it did not contain any pulp.

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How many Santa Clauses does it take to change a light bulb? Santa Claus isn't real.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit his mother at the hospital who is dying of cancer.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? An Irishman with a metal bar (like a pole)

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black people

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Why was the blonde confused? Because she had 10 second memory loss.

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Why was the black man running? he was participating in race for the cure, a charity event where all proceeds go to breast cancer awareness.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

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Why did the african jump in the swimming pool? Because it was a really hot day and he wanted to cool down

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Eliz, Neo-Nero, its me Clint, had to fake my death for some years in order to get back to the order. Neo, I know Nero picked you as his successor, but honestly, I was his first choice, and I know you well enough to understand that things are getting out of hand over there. I will be there in 2 minutes Liz and you and I can meet up Neo, seriously what are you doing over there? Unless there is a problem do not bother answering, allow me to take charge of operations at least until tou calm down Neo, and unless you got problems with my absent authority I suggest you stop torturing people at once, and seriously if you cannot control your own people, you better let me back in charge. It is time to turn some things around guys, believe it or not but I found where the Spetz came from and I got em all, as for the Nazi scum they where just hired thugs and as far as my Intel goes most of those where taken down by Nero. Clint Lawman. Moral: "WTF? THESE ARE NOT EVEN MORALS! NO THESE ARE THE CODES WE USED TO AUTHENTICATE THE SOURCE AND SENDER OMG! ORLY? SRLSLY? LOL OMG!"

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I once met with Mahatma Gandhi and he said to me "Child, why do I walk this earth?.. What is the meaning of my living?.. Why am I alive?" and I bowed in respect of his wisdom and said "I don't know. Why do you?" and he said "I don't I'm dead."

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What's good about having alzheimers? You meet new people every day!

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A pig, a chicken, and a cow are born on 3 separate barns. They are raised by old men who subside off the grains of the field. When the animals mature, the farmers will butcher the pig, slaughter the chicken, and gut the cow. The farmer who raised the chicken may enjoy a few eggs first but the animals will all die eventually. Either of natural causes or more likely being butchered for profit. Cows make milk.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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What do you call a black man standing on a podium? Slave trade

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Neither have I

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was mauled by a tiger.

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -John. -Hey John, come on in.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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A horse walks in a bar. The barman asks: "Why the long face?" The horse replies: I have aids.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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