Doctor, my husband tells me he doesn't like my figure .... That's irrelevant now, you've contracted a rare blood disease and will be dead within a month.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Q.What do you call a beaver with a unibrow. A. A beaver........it's still a beaver

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When life gives you melons, your probably dyslexic.

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what will you do if you become a ruler of the world? Waking up, its just a dream GET REAL!

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Why did the boy loose his glass with milk? He got hit by a bus.

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Why couldn't little Timmy turn in his homework? Because on the way to school little Timmy was hit by a bus

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What did the kid say when his parents were killed? Nothing. He's a vegetable

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Why did the man jump in front of the car? He was clinically depressed, his wife left him and took the kids, he just lost his job. He thought he saw a 20 dollar bill in the street So he stopped to pick it up, not realizing a car was speeding toward him.

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What size pants did the gorilla wear? An abnormaly large pair compared to the average human because their weight and width are porportionaly larger for their speices.

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whats worse than gill? nothing

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Q: How do you make babies cry? A: Throw a brick at it's face.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because crossing through traffic is very dangerous

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What happen when you put a Ciara and a Charlie together? They have sex.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

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What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

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"My father walked out on me." "Oh that's strange because I saw him yesterday and he had no legs."

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How do you make a clown frown Throw an axe at his face.

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If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

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A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar. In Syria. Dead children.

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why did the little boy drop his icecream? he was hit by a train

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Why was the 15 year old boy always alone in his bedroom making strange noises? Because he was struggling to fight back the tears following his single mother's recent suicide, driven by her despair over the reality that her son was an out of control drug addict, just like his no-good father who ran out on them.

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A girl and a boy where sitting on a couch together. The boy told the girl politly that she hass gained a significant amount of weight and should lose it. She then pulled out a candy bar in her back pocket and shoved it down his throat, to which he suffocated, because she was on her period when to comment was made.

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An African-American man calls KFC. An employee answers. "Thank you for calling KFC." The man replies, "I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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