Roses are red, violets are blue i've got a gun, pointing at you

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man dressed in a business suit goes into a doctor's office. He asks the receptionist how much a vasectomy would cost. After a minute of her looking it up on the computer she turns to him and says "The procedure will cost $750." He then thanks her and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Chuck Norris screams in pain.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the man not go to church? He was an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Hey guess what! We're birthday buddies! May 3rd.. Yeah that's why you should give me 5 bucks.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Ask me if my name is Jennifer. Is your name Jennifer? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

In Soviet Russia, it is the largest country in the world. A lot of the parts are uninhabitable though.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why can't Jimmy walk ever again? Because when he was 12 his father mistook him for a plank of wood a sawed his legs off. We may realise here that this prohibits him from walking.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was the asian boy made fun of in the locker room? Because of the nipple piercing he had.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Guess no ones home.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why is Michael J. Fox unable to build domino chains? He only has one domino.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How did Princess Diana cross the road? Through the windshield

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the Romans conquer everyone? They were power-hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the black man say to the young white woman during sex? you are a wonderful woman

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What starts with P and ends with O-R-N Porn.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the bartender say to the black guy? hi there

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What did the man say when he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a 20 storie building? A: Ow!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Yo mamma is so weird most people try to avoid her.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

try slamming a revolving door

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is blind and deaf, and to put her behind the wheel of a motorized vehicle would be extremely dangerous.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops