How do you get an Irishman out of a bar? You politely ask him to leave.

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

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BF:Roses r red Violets r blue a face like ur's shuld b i n the zoo but dont worry i'll be there but not in the cage but laughing at u. GF:Wanna c a magic trick? POOF ur single

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How do you baby sit a black child? Entertain him with stimulating games to help with his cognitive growth.

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Pinus Testicles

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Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice? She was making sure there was enough sugar in it in case her diabetic son was to have an attack.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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Why was little Johnny crying? He is regularly raped by his father.

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If life throws you lemons, you might be dislexic

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liam buchan is gay !

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An old lady and her son walk into a hospital, only to find it covered in TRICERITOPS SHIT!!!!

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How many cows does it take to put in a lightbulb? Well, you see, it depends how many cows it takes to put in a lightbulb.

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What did the kid use to smell his food His nose

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, racist.

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Why did the man go to the barber? To get a haircut

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What happens when you choke a smurf? Nothing, smurfs aren't real.

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what happened after 9/11?? 9/12.

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why did the baby start crying? someone threw a brick at it

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Why do jews have long noses? Because they received the genetic alleles from their parents that cause the nose to grow longer.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was being herded into a slaughter house to be killed, then packaged and shipped out to restaurant venders all across the country.

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What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

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Where is Madeline McCann? 6 Feet under....

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why was 6 afraid of 7? because seven is a murdering sociopath

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops