What's black and white and red allover and can't fit through the door? A nun with a spear through her neck

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How does Michael J. Fox like his Martini? With an Olive

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Hey

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why is the boy severely mentally scarred? He got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Do you want to hear a joke? To bad! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're allergic to flowers So this poem will kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it was being sexually abused by its father.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the black father say to his daughter? you're adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: What kills millions of people each year and sneaks up behind you unexpectedly? A: HIV/AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did Sally fall off the swing-set? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How do you make a panda toot? You punch it in the stomach.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

thumb_up thumb_down +30

nock nock who's there i eat mop i eat mop ho i didn't know you eat your poo. the wedding is off and go **** yourself in a hole!!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

two men are walking and nobody falls becouse they use a power balance

thumb_up thumb_down +28

whats the difference between a joke and the holocaust? ...There both funny..Exept for the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because people kept making the same joke about her not having arms so she was hoping the fall would break her neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Have you ever met a black man who wasn't good at basketball? I have, quite regularly.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Your mom is so dumb, she has difficulty acquiring a job to support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What has 4 eyes but can't see? A blind man wearing glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops