What's worse than finding gum on your shoe? Being molested by a sea urchin.

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There was a girl that got on the bus . The bus started moving as soon as sat . The bus driver looked up at the window and saw the girl coming closer . Every time she came closer , the more he looked , the girls nose kept on bleeding more and more . When the girl was right next to the bus driver , he started to shudder in fear looking forward , knowing that she is there . When he looks to his right , the girl looked at him , then looked at the window . And started to pick her nose .

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

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Im about to rewrite History....... History

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A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

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What's black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Nothing. Blackberries grow on bushes and I do not condone hate crimes.

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theres no I in Intelligence a.w. j.p.

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Q: How many times did the chicken cross the road? A: One and a half.

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what do u call a black guy who sells drugs a pharmacist

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How many people are in the world? More than one. -David Papile

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Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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What did the man in the mirror say to the other man The Same F****** Thing!!

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on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

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Roses are blue, Violets are purple, I like chicken. Do you like chicken?

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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Guy: I have a gun get in my van Girl: SHOTGUN!

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What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

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Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he is quite wealthy.

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This is on of those few moments where my guts and attitude leave me feeling as if the entire world is against me... ...Then I cant help but to smirk and think... The world against me? Finally a worthy challenge... Such a great day... Nero because fuck morals: Friends and not so friends do not call me Black Metal because I listen to power rock, my mother high on drugs attacked my wife claiming she was Satan, I killed my angel dust empowered mother, felt as if the world was against me... ...Such a great day... "I killed my father too but you dont hear me whining about it!" And of course... ...Rest in pieces oh "dear" mother", at least you did one good thing, you gave birth to your undertaker, while I killed you to end my lifelong misery, My only regret is ending yours... Now I request you all think I am a monster and pretend we live in a world where all parents are nice and good... You already deluded yourself? Perhaps you should thumb me up instead then.

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Q: What did the crippled deaf kid get for Christmas? A: A motorised wheelchair and a cochlear implant. Good for him.

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How do you stop R Kelly from peeing on little girls? Kill all little girls.

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Yellow People !!

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p

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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