Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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A man with no legs walks into a bar. Just kidding...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He got hit by a semi.

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A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

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What happens when you die? Your body gets decomposed by bacteria

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what did mohammed say to Jesus? nothing they lived in completly different time periods

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What do you call a cross between a dog and a bumblebee? One messed up lab experiment!

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Knock knock. Its open.

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why dont you hit a black kid on a bike? its probably your bike.

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what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? a stick

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your mom.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told her twice.

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What was the racist kid's least favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate for an unrelated reason.

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Why did the man cross the street? Because he had to go work.

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What did the man say to the other man? I have a large rod

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

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what happens when a retard hits an iceberg with a gigantic boat? 1517 people die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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