give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what you named it.

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A man walks out of a bar. He didn't bring his driver's license, but managed to do a grand theft auto and unfortunately, crashed on the way home beacuse of a tree. Also, killed 12 people by car

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh wait I shouldn't tell you, it's too long

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It's bright in here *puts on? sunglasses* Ahhh, that's better...

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Roses r red, Violets r blue, u think id eva cry ova u?? I told u i luvd u, n u believed it true... Well guess wat baby? U got played 2 B)

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Do you like fishsticks? Ya, me too.

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have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? No? well it must have been hiding pretty well.

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Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

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Q: What is the proper name for a female dog? A: Well there could be several names it could be a name on the collar in which case please look for the number so it can be returned to its owner. Another possibility is that it is a stray which you should either run for it could have a disease and you should just forget about the name then or take it in as your own and name it.

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whats worse than loseing your dog? getting raped by a clown.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack has a crippling addiction to Cocaine which ultimately led to his divorce and the subsequent loss of custody of his children.

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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What did the hand say to the face? Nothing because body parts cannot speak.

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Why was the blackman fired from his job? Beacuse he was late too many times which was unacceptable.

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Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

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What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

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Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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What's better than a stick? A stone

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WHAT DOES A NUMBER DO WHEN IT'S HORNE? MATHDERBATION

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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