Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It had a heart attack. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey

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Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

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how do you upset an obese cat? you put her in dog sweaters

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i thought violets were violet. hmph.

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What do you call a blonde at the beach? A dipthong.

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Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

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roses are red violets are blue I lost my dog to typhoid it was an unfortunate case of bed luck

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What did the spoon say to the other spoon? Nothing, it is a spoon.

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

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Roses are rose, violets are violet, that's just a fact, I've got aspergers.

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while in iraq i bought a brand new iphone from the black market...it was only $250....its was doing fantastic until i got a text...i herd a loud beeping noise and the it exploded in my pocket and now i no longer have a penis.

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Why are black people so good at sports? Through Dedication and lots of training of course

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What's windy and sunny at the same time? The weather.

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What's black, white, and red all over?? A penguin that just got hit by a truck and is now struggling to live.

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Dear Six, Please stop spreading rumors about me and nine. I hear you two also do some pretty nasty things. Love, Seven.

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A:You wanna here a good anti joke B:Yeah/sure A:Me too

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What did the confused blonde girl ask to a nearby student? Nothing. She isn't supposed to chat because it's study hall and they enforce a strict "no talking" policy.

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A frog walks up to Steve, and says "Hey, Steve." Steve is terrified because a frog knows his name, and is walking.

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Whats 9 plus 10? 19

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Bird is the Word. Actually 'What" is the word.

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The teacher asked: If you have two apples, and I give you two, how many do you have now? FOUR said the student.

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What did the asian kid do before he got a blood test? He studied.

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why did andy wake up this morning. because he wasnt tired anymore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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