whats the difference between an iron and a priest? An iron is a hand-held device which presses clothes and a priest is a person who is authorized to perform the sacred rituals of a religion.

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Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Why was the drunk man in jail? He had lost touch with himself because his wife cheated on him the previous night and to add to the fact she took his clothes so public nudity would be a problem.

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How do you get a blonde to eat crayons? Threaten to kill her parents with a hacksaw.

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What do you say to the woman who just got raped? Nothing you just raped her

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? A miracle

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Why did Amy fall out of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) Not Amy.

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Q: What did the homeless man say when he was mauled by a bear? A: Ouch.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like funny jokes but I tend to ruin the punchline by just talking too much and that's probably why no one likes me and...

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: Someone who just got stabbed to death reading the newspaper.

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In a stranded island, a plane crashes. Only one man survives. He asks himself "Where do I bury everybody else?" The others proceed to look at him strangely. He was the only surviving male.

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Why am I telling you this joke? Because the person who did it before me mentioned that he enterted this, agreed to the Terms of Service and clicked submit - but missed out that he also typed in the capcha. Mine said: never quit.

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What did the man do after his wife died? He farted.

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why did the boy fall off his bike? because his mum through a fridge at him

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Forward this anti-joke to at least 15 people And absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen in the next 10 minutes.

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Knock knock Who's there? Knock Knock I said who's there? My name is Knock Knock Oh hi Knock Knock, come in

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If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? No? well it must have been hiding pretty well.

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roses are red violets are blue i done your mom and i do you too

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Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

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What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops after 3 hos

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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