How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn? He doesn't say anything to the unicorn because dragons and unicorns don't exist. Even if they did exist, dragons and unicorns can't talk, unless we're talking about cartoons. Also, even if it was a cartoon or whatever, do you really think a purple dragon has ANYTHING to say to a unicorn?! Of course not! Oh look at me I'm a cool talking dragon, I have something so important to say to this unicorn. Gimme a break...

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What's the difference between an apple and a banana? One's an apple.

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whats the difference from a jew and a christian the jew got arrested for rape

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outside your comfort zone

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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i'm hard

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whats older than your mom? a tortoise that has been living more than a couple hundred years

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I took my blind grandmother to the art gallary

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quiz is to quizzicle as test is to test___.

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Do you like fish sticks? Yes. Me too.

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If John has 10 packs of beer and he drinks 8 packs,what is John left with? Morbid Obesity.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

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What's worse than sex with a midget? Non-consensual sex with a midget.

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Jesus Christ

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My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?" the horse then says nothing because horses cannot talk, only humans can talk.

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Why does the pope doesn't use this finger? (raise a finger) That's mine!

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Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because sally was morbidly obese and uprooted the tree from underneath her subsequently causing her to splash violently on the ground. Why didn't sally get back up? Because the splash caused the earth to spin at 40000 rpm into the sun.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Just use the peephole. I am.

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How do you make a baby stop crying?you scream at it and throw it at wall

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Why couldn't Jimmy go bowling with the rest of his friends? His parents shot him.

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How old am I? If you guessed correctly, you are psychic. If you guessed incorrectly, I will send flying gnomes to capture and torture you. Unless, of course, you are of a racial minority in which case nothing will happen to you because I am not racist. :P

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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