Knock knock. Who's there? ... Damn knick knockers.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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what do call a girl with a waterslide nose? Ava Sherman

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know. It depends how high the light is.

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Why couldn't the dead man take a shit? He was severely constipated

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A child walk's into a bar. And gets sexually abused.

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Nina and Harry sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes divorce because their marriage didn't turn out right and Harry hit Nina in the head with a iron...

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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Why Did Suzie fall of the swing? She has Polio and will die the Next Day

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Why did the ceiling fall down? Because there weren't any walls.

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You having friends.

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Yo mamma is so dumb, she bought a Wii and was satisfied with her purchase

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A man arrives at his work late, his boss says "why are you late?" Then man replys "...................." he was dead.

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A wise man once said...... I am a wise man

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A: Hi I am a Mormon B: I know I'm one of your wifes

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and a horrible singer? Nothing.

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knock knock whos there? IRS Oh....

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Whats black and white and red all over?.. The L.A. Race Riots.

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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

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A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam." I promptly informed the authorities. He was transported to a mental institution and I later learned that he swallowed his own tongue and died. Nobody attended his funeral.

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Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimers Roses are red

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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