If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Your mom is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat outside, people notice a rather large woman who is enjoying the weather and wearing a yellow raincoat.

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Why was Jimmy sad? Because he was about to be shot for attempting to assassinate the president.

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, 'Have you heard about this mad cow disease?' and the other says 'Good thing we're penguins.'

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Dislike this.

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What do you call a muslim in an airport? A muslim going on vacation you racist bastard.

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Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, No Professionals."

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What do you call someone without legs or arms laying at your front door? Steve

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Q)A man and a women are hiking on a mountain trail. A bear appears. What do they do? A) Die.

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Q: How do you make a plumber sad? A: Kill his family

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Why shouldnt you take the virginity of a 14 year old? Their pre-frontal lobe is not developed enough to sufficiently judge the affect of this action on their life.

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Why did little Susie fall off the cliff? I pushed her.

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how did the little black boy cross the river? he walked over the bridge.

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Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

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Every Good Boy Deserves Fibromyalgia

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I hate it when I press submit, and I forgot to finish the jo

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A man entered ten puns into a pun contest, hoping that one of them would win. Unfortunately, he came in third place and was discouraged by his loss.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Im Black Im Black Who Open The Door Now Pancakes Granted

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yo mamas like a chicken hut all the cock* fly in

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? A. Spot

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Q: What happens after you have sex with Michelle Obama? A: You wake up and kill yourself.

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what does a human and a bucket of red paint have in common? . . Both are not tigers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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