A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

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Hitler has a certain "genocide-quaw" about him

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Your mama so fat she often lays awake at night wondering if you father is happy with their sex life. He isn't.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Q. What do you get when you cross the North Korean border and an American? A. Death.

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What did dick Cheney say to his friend that he accidentally shot in the face while quail hunting? Sorry for shooting you in the face

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So a little girl walked into a bar... A concerned adult then told the bartender. The bartender's name was Jim. Jim then asked the girl if she knew her phone number. The little girl said nothing and the bar tender was perplexed at the petrified look on the girls face. Jim the bartender then called the police and explained the situation.Once the girl was brought back to the police station it was learned that she had been missing for three months in a nearby county. The police then return to the bar to find that the owner had multiple kidnapped little girls in a cage under the bar that only he and the kidnapped girls knew about before the cops and Jim the bartender discovered it. The police then arrested The owner of the bar. He stood trial and was senteced to death row, he remains there today.

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what did the asian say to the other asian "where both asian"

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i look around to find that my air head is missing, i then figure out that i had eaten it.

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A. Why did the boy cross the road? B. Why? A. I don't know! That's why I'm asking you.

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Q: what did batman say to robin before they got into the car? A: get in the car (:

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How do I make my penis 12 inches? Tug on it.

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why did the golfer ware two ares of paents. if he got a hole in one

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Jesus steps out of a boat, and walks across the water to shore. He's such a show of. Only an attention whore would leave a boat and walk across water for no good reason.

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Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, and Joseph Smith walk into a bar. Just kidding, no they didn't.

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Knock Knock. Come in.

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what you named it.

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My friend told me to jump right off a cliff That's impossible since this cliff goes left...

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Why did the man need new glasses? He was thrown off a bridge by a leprechaun.

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It sucks if you have amnesia. It sucks if you have amnesia.

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What's the difference between a battered woman and a regular woman. There is absolutely no difference...

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What did the girl say to the guy who poked her on Facebook? You poked me.

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Why didn't the man go to the movies?? Because he likes pie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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