What's as red as a Lobster? A Lobster

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A bear walks into a bar, and says "I would like a pint of..........beer." The bar tender asked "why the long pause?" The bear replies "I think I just had a stroke."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your mom is so ignorant that she in completely unaware how the premature termination of QE2 in conjunction with a potential US credit downgrade could substantially impact her fixed income portfolios and hinder her ability to retire in the desired time frame.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q) why did jimmy kick the bucket. A) Because his dad is an alcoholic and Beats him to the point of near death, so He takes his anger out by kicking anatomit Objects such as a bucket.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

...The new series of spinoff movies from the worlds most frightening franchise! Pretty Normal Activity: Doing the groceries *****-Did not scare me at all :D! Ballbusters movie rentals *****- The demon never showed up which made this the scariest movie ever! Could not sleep for months... Whatyumean there is nothing paranormal in this? Aww FU*beep*CK!! Sumgay Inthestreet Journal *****-Pissed myself just from hearing the title got a stroke and almost died!, was it another Paranormal movie you said? Most overhyped comment we could find. Goddamn exaggerated movie reviews that fooled me into buying the original and expect something actually scary :(

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call cat that is on fire? Nigel.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Two guys walk into a bar. Whoops did I say bar? I meant Hiroshima 1945. They got radiation poisoning and died slow painful deaths.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Men

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A black guy NOT arrested for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the boy fall off the swings? He had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call? The Police. There's something strange in your neighborhood.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A mute man writes a joke that would only be funny to blind people.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What Would You Call Someone Who is 6 Foot and hairy. Answer: By His Or Her Name.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

you wanna hear a good anti joke?, so do i

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the doctor say to the actor? Your an actor.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a building full of Mexicans? JAIL.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the blond fall down? She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's purple and fuzzy? A piece of purple fuzz.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

how do you get a girl of a swing? puch her off! how do you get her friend of a swing? throw a refridgerator at her!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many Muslims does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops