- Anti Joke

What do you get when you combine lemons, sugar and water? Lemons, sugar, and water

My dog got out of its cage So I found it and beat the shit out of my neighbors kid.

what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? were both lawyer's.

Seeing you happy is what makes me happy Nero, it has always been this way.

How do you know a baby is dead ? When the dog plays with it more!

What do you call a man who's eating thirty big macs ? Hungry.

Q: Why can't sally play on the swing? A: Because she has no arms Q: Who was the first to climb mount everest? A: Not Sally

Light travels faster than sound, thats why people look smart until they talk.

What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

Why did the black man run when he heard police sirens? Because he was parked in a handicap spot

I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

Were do seamen live under the sea? A submarine!

Q: Why was the prostitute's mouth sore? A: She had multiple cavities due to poor dental hygiene.

Where do you go when your friends called you spoiled? Africa.

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? Jews are people

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Orca Whale walk into a local eatery to discuss what is on their mind. The Priest says he is proud that even though their community is comprised of people residing in many different religions, they still work together to strive for a better tomorrow. The Rabbi nods his head in agreement,he states that he is proud of all the hard working men in their community that are willing to make sacrifices for the needy. The Orca Whale also nods in agreement and pauses for a moment to think while he insight-fully gleams at his two other friends. The Mighty Orca Whale then contributes to the conversation by saying eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrr!

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

what happens when a white guy goes to harlem he gets robbed by 5 to 10 black men

Want to hear something funny? Sure, what? 9/11

2 black men beat 9 white men in basketball. Why is this so? They were clearly out numbered.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A vet, so he/she can put it down.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have herpes now you do too.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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