What did the hooker say to her employer after 1 hour....you owe my $20

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is the hardest part about rollerblading? Most commonly the balance part.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are trapped on a desert island together After many days without food, they resort to cannibalism. The blonde eats the brunette, and the red-head eats the blonde. The red-head eventually dies once the water supply runs out.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Yo mamma's so fat, at her last annual checkup her attending physician informed her that if she did not attempt to control her weight gain through a careful moderation of her diet and began exercising on a regular basis, that her obesity would soon manifest itself in a variety of chronic health conditions that would permanently alter her ability to enjoy life and could significantly decrease her lifespan.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what do you call a deer with no eyes? no eye deer! -jpow

thumb_up thumb_down +25

roses are red, violets are blue, f*** you wh*re

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why didn't Timmy have a girlfriend ??? Because he's a Fruit bowl !

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Yo Mama is so old that she is probably unable to become pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the women knock on the door? she needed to do a shit

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You are so average that, if you entered an average contest, you'd come in middle place.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A guy walks into a bar with a watermelon under his shirt. The bartender asks what is under his shirt. He says, a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

No, we got to speak now, or you know, never.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Good to know tattletale, I remember hating you back then when you betrayed me, but I cant wait to meet you again. Anyway Nero, I am a girl, its not about sex with me, I just had to tell you, and hope you will take better care of yourself, I know you used to be worried about your looks, and I just want you to understand ill be there for you no matter what. Thanks for the kind words Nero, I know you mean them, you never hid the fact that you found me attractive, but while I did not understand then why you would ruin every nice moment by saying something cheesy or rude, I think I get it now... I know you need rest, but can I arrive as soon as possible? Ill just wait outside or something, I wont be a bother I promise.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

So i can type anything in this box and it shows up on the website?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Nock Nock It's open.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are Red, Blues are Violets, Have I Dyslexia, F**k.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How did the girl get hit by a car? Better question, How did the car get in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than spending time with your girlfriend? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why doesn't the South Pole war veteran remember the name of his child? He is a penguin and could care less about naming his children. Why doesn't the penguin on the North Pole remember the name of his child? There are no penguins on the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call shark with no dorsal fin? Unused ingredients for soup.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Jim: "Hey guess what" Bill: "What" Jim: "George Bush got reelected" *Bill proceeds to throw himself into the Atlantic Ocean.*

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a loser on a game? A Dirty Hacker

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many software professionals does it take to get a file committed to source control? Well, today it took five.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops