ask if someone wants to hear a joke then say "never mind"

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knock knock go away

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd go all the way to the store and buy one.

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They all realize that none of them know each other, wonder when in time they are, have mental breakdowns, and run screaming into the night.

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A man walks up to a woman in a bar. They hit it off. That night they make wild sex and fall madly in love with each other. They start dating, it's so fantastic. They understand each other on almost every emotional and intellectual level. They have the same humor and they love spending time together. The sex is so great. After a few years, they get married, and they start the rest of their lives together. They have 2 beautiful children and their lives are blossoming. Fast forward 30 years. They are both retired old people, yet still madly in love. They live in their old home, and their lives are very comfortable. Their children have grown up into adults, and are very happy. Fast forward another 10 years, and they now live in an elderly home. They are both in wheelchairs and their health is slowly deteriorating. They die.

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You should never talk to strangers.

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Why really answer a question when you can just respond, "because you touch yourself." For example, Q: Why did fluffy die? A: Because you touch yourself.

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How do you upset a builder? Kill all his family.

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monkey sponge

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Black Person Eating Fried Chicken

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One day, John ate some food. He quickly realized he had an upsetting feeling in his stomach, so he stopped eating food and used the restroom. Then he drew a picture.

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why shouldn't hellen keller drive? because she's a woman

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"why did the chicken cross the road?" "to get to your house" "knock knock" "who's there?" "The chicken"

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Q: Whats Brown and sticky A: an eagle except for the brown and sticky part

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Did you hear the one about the kid that farted in class? Cool.

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John has 38 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has Diabetes.

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whats worse than finding out you have Alzheimer's? Finding out you have Alzheimer's

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O'Malley, an Irishman; Adam, a Jew; and Patrick, a gay man, walk into a bar. Oh crap. I just outed Patrick.

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How do you keep someone in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

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How do you know a French guy has been in your back yard? Your thrash cans are empty and your dog's pregnant

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What's the difference between women and a bucket? before 1923, women didn't have the right to vote. Bucket's still don't.

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Q: What did the Mexican kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was being shipped to KFC.

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my nAME IS ALAN AND IM NOT COOL

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops