How much is an abortion? A life

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I walked into town today and bumped into a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker. It meant nothing to me because I was never read nursery rhymes as a child due to my parents both dying before I was conceived

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?", laughs at his own joke, then calls animal control.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the dinosaur jump off the cliff? Because he was mental

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anal cheese curds.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the black man say to the asian man? Whats up man!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the cow say to the other cow? How should i know? Go ask them.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why did the man cross the road? Because he needed to cross the road to reach his destination that was across the road

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Fuck yourself you piece of shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Did you know Helen Keller had a swingset? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

What's big, red and looks like a bucket? A small blue bucket labeled big red bucket.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Why did the cow cross the road?..I didn't know the intentions of the cow, but an elderly woman in an automobile experienced a collision with the animal that ended not only the life of the cow but of the elderly woman as well.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

How do you kill a blue elephant? How? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? How? You hold it's nose until it turns blue, then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a orange elephant? How? You can't, they don't exist. How do you kill a white elephant? How? You tickle it till it turns pink, then you hold it's noose until it turns blue, then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

When my Xbox died, my girlfriend said: "Finally, you can treat me the same way you treated that thing!" So I tapped her so hard that she died

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Why are black guys so tall? Because their knee grows

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What did the Shark say when he had no lunch? We have a FISHue!

thumb_up thumb_down +60

A blonde's house is on fire so she calls the fire department and they ask her how to get there. She gives them the address, but they hear her wrong and she dies a horrible fiery death.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

In Soviet Russia, you shit on bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Knock knock Who's there? The police, we know you've been pirating movies.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Drop a brick on her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did the bubble do to the wall? Nothing it is a Bubble.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

25

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops