Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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What is the biggest lie in the universe? I love you.

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its shoulders.

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What do you call a black person playing basketball? An athlete.

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What did the cancer patient say to the arab? the tumors hurt my body

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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You wanna hear a JOKE !?? Justin Bieber has a DICK !!

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A Mexican walked away from a construction site.

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What's faster than a Mexican running away with your T.V.? An Airplane

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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Wanna Hear A Joke ? Afgan

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What do you call a black pilot? Whatever his name is, you racist.

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Do you want to hear a joke? Yes? Well that's probably why you came to this site.

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What's red and smells like cherries? Cherries

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What's one thing a black man can't have? White skin

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What do you get a black guy when he is hungry? Something edible.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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A black man, an Asian, a Jew, and an American all jump off a building. Unfortunately, they all died on impact and their families will mourn for years to come.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Somebody pushed it

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You: I have a really funny Knock Knock joke but you have to start it. Someone Else: Okay, Knock Knock You: Who's there? (now watch their face as they become confused)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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