An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse world in which we live.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because someone was chasing it with an axe.

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Q: Whats worse than dropping your ice cream? A: Dropping two ice creams. Q: Whats worse than dropping two ice creams? A: The Holocaust. Q: Whats worse than the Holocaust? A: Dropping three ice creams.

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What is pink, female and has two dicks? A mother with two sons, both called Richard.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones... and my pistol will kill you.

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Penis.

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Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

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*DRRRRIN* Finally someone uses the doorbell.

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How do you protect yourself from fire? Kill an orphan and nail its bones to your skin.

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Why did the rabbit jump? Because that's what rabbits do.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Tell her to inform the police that her significant other is assaulting them and that she should file a restraining order.

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Dad, why are we Swedish? Because antilopes and the butterfly effect son.

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What did Helen Keller say after the Iron Maiden show? Nothing, she is a mute.

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womens rights

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's

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Hey guess what! We're birthday buddies! May 3rd.. Yeah that's why you should give me 5 bucks.

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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why can't helen keller drive? Because she is deaf and blind.

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The cat climbed a tree. It didn't want to come down, so it starved to death.

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The skeleton walks into a bar. Everyone is confused and leaves.

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Knock Knock Who's there? F F who? F you.

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Dylan Hodge fingered himself. Hah.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops