Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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Q: What did the Big Bad Wolf say to Little Red Riding Hood? A: Nothing, wolfs are mentally nor physically capable of talking

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What is black and blue and really is not in the mood for sex? The new girl at the women's shelter.

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why did the chicken cross the road? the holocaust

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The grass is always greener on the side that uses manure and fertilizer daily.

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A blind man walks into the girls bathroom.

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What's small, black,and crispy? A baby after an apartment fire

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what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Spanish Inquisition.

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What did the young girl say to her step-dad? Nothing. She no longer talks to him after years and years of sexual abuse which left her emotionally scarred.

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do you currently smoke? i hope not.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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My friend harris is fat.

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What did the gay guy get at the grocery store? A tub of Häagen-Dazs ice cream because he thought he deserved a treat.

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How do you pleasure your grandmother? Ask your brother

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Why did the boy rip out all of his hair? He was insane.

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What did the kid say before he died Nothing he was terminally ill

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Why was the black man holding the knife in such a particular manner? Because he was getting dinner ready for his family.

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meh

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If life throws you melons... ouch

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Random Guy: "Oh god, why was I born with so much common sense?" God: "You must be mistaken, or else you wouldn't be asking me."

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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slaughter the mussies #EDL

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops