Why the worker did not come to work? Because he died!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

what has two legs and bleeds? half a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +50

"I have some pretty bad news for you, but to ease into it, I will try to work it into a conversation." -Alright Doctor, let's try that." "Hey, how are you feeling today?" -"I feel great!" "That's odd, because you have leukemia..."

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why can't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because Jimmy has no legs. Why doesn't he have any legs? Because he's a potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why is Ellen so funny? Because she is a comedian.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

guess what Beethoven is doing right now. de-composing

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q:What did the policemen say to the other policemen? A:Safe

thumb_up thumb_down +42

what do you call the one eyed man in the land of the blind? You call him an outcast

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did batman say to robin befor they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

hi

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

the chicken whent boomand then died

thumb_up thumb_down +40

People talk about how there grandparents was in the holocaust well my grandpa was to he died. How he fell off the guard tower.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did the bubble do to the wall? Nothing it is a Bubble.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

You: I have a really funny Knock Knock joke but you have to start it. Someone Else: Okay, Knock Knock You: Who's there? (now watch their face as they become confused)

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your TV floating in midair? "I should probably lay off the hallucinogens."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair because he had cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +36

whats worse than a worm in a rotten apple? 2 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 2 worms in a rotten apple? 3 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 3 worms in a rotten apple? the haulocaust. whats worse than the haulocaust? 4 worms in a rotten apple. wait wait...that was rascist,nevermind this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man powers up his computer but then realizes he's in China.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

there are 2 black guys and a spanish guy in a car. who is driving? a sober, US citizen over the age of 16

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

If you have 10 fish and you drown 5 how many do you have left? 10... you can't drown a fish, and even if you could you would still have 10 because there would still be there, they would just be dead. 5 alive, 5 dead

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops