What is wet, white and sticky? Glue, of course.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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knock knock whos there micheal jackson too soon

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Dick Cheney That's the joke

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A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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Why did the car crash? Because the driver was blind

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How do you get the neighborhood hoodlums to stop pushing you over in your wheelchair? Brutally murder their families in front of them.

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Why was the man so angry? Because the woman was not in the kitchen

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

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The doctor said to the boy that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. He is diabetic.

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Why do women live longer? Once their sexual and metabolistic hormones are moleculy different from men's, their metabolism is different and act on different organs and vice-versa. Therefore, they live longer. Still, in a worldwide average, more men born than women.

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The boy gets shot in the face, he then dies of childhood obesity.

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What do the NRA and PETA have in common? Both are prominent interest groups from whom political candidates try to obtain votes.

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two peanuts walked into a bar they both sat down and immediately left once they found out the bar was serving peanuts.

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What did lil' Bobby get for christmas? Cancer.

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What sound does a snail make? Meow....... Think hard and you'll get it

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Why did the black man jump out of the plane? He was going on a parachute dive with his friend.

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what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

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Why did the boy jump of the cliff? He was following the others

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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