Someone threw a cigarette at me today... What a fag.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats worse than 911..? The plane ride there.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the man remain calm when the judge passed the death sentence? Because he was in another country and had no connection with the case.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the black man skip every other step on the stairs? Because he had long legs and it was faster.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's black and hangs from a tree? A bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Question: why did the pilot crash the plane? Answer: because the pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why didn't little johnny show up to school on friday? little johnny died two months ago from cancer. he hasn't been to school in a year.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a man in a wheel chair? Stephen Hawking

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Nicholas Salek did not write the message below. It was a joke one of his mates played!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what makes reed stop talking? LYRENS SHARPENED PENCIL

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is funny and has three legs? Not the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Thumbs this down

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the guy fly? Because he steped on a landmine

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How did the girl with no arms fall out the window? I pushed her.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are bald Violets are bald You are bald I think you have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the boy not turn in his homework? Because his pet ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what time is it? 3:16

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the boy say to his mum when he saw a Lion A: Hey mum that's a Lion

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Shut the cork up!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did Yoda do at the end of star wars when he lost his light saber? A: He asked the prop guy if he had any more and he happened to have another and they went on with making the great film many still love today.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what is long hard and full of seamen......... A sumbirine..........................(what were you thinking)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops