A guy walks into a bar, and then is hit with the full force of all the things he never did in life, of how he wasted his younger years chasing a bigger paycheck rather than trying to live life, and all the love he wasted on people who didn't care about him. He begins to cry as his first drink arrives, and orders many more as the night passes. He loses his keys as he leaves and stumbles home in a drunken stupor, contemplating suicide.

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Two blonds are driving to Disneyland. While there driving they see a sign "Disneyland: left" So they started crying and headed back home.

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a black guy a chinese guy a jewish guy and a gay guy are standing on a ledge. they are all ready to jump off and commit suicide. suddenly a basketball falls from the sky. the black guy is like oh shit that my bball. he cant resist, he jumps off the ledge, grabs the ball, spins in mid air, and shoots it through the window that they came out of. then he falls to his death. the other three guys are questioning whether they wanna actually kill themselves when all of a sudden a jiggly dildo flies past. the gay guy sees it, and he needs it in his butthole. he jumps off, grabs the dildo, shoves it in his ass, and falls to his death. the chinese and the jew are the last alive. they decide that they dont want to die and they start crawling back towards the window. then out of nowhere, two quarters and a nickel shoot up from the ground, right in front of them. the jew needs them. he jumps off the ledge and pockets the change. then he falls to his death. the chinese guy is the last one alive. he jumps off and falls to his death.

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Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They beat her.

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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It was a dark night, I was walking home from the shops in town, The wind was whistling through my damp hair, My spine tingled and i tucked my hands under my stinking pits. I felt like someone was watching me, I walked faster the breath was warm on my kneck i turned around. It was gary glitter he pulled down my pants and gave me the best sucky i ever had. We kissed and i tasted the cheese from my knob. In all garry glitter has a giant knob

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What do you call it when you lend money to a bison? Unitelligent, because bison do not have the ability to purchase things with money so it will most likely just eat the money.

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A list of comebacks: Hows ur face nancy grace ur mom ur face ur moms face take it to my butt, cuz ur the only one that gives a crap

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. A. Knock, Knock! B. Who's There? Not Suzie.

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Why didn't little billy have any friends? Billy bought a rifle, and shot everyone he had ever seen or talked to, even his family. Billy then tripped on his walk home and fell off a bridge, and into the ocean. Then a shark came and swallowed him. That is why you should never kill your friends and family because it will come back and bite you. Don't be like billy

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Ask me if I'm a tree... Are you a tree? No.

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What did the girl get for Christmas? Nothing, she was homeless and dead.

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Why did the Jewish man dive into the street to pick up a penny? He was Tevye, a character from the famous play Fiddler on the Roof and pennies are valuable and rare in Tsarist Russia in 1905.

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Chuck Norris doesn't answer the phone - he doesn't have one at the moment

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u know y blondes and tornadoes r so alike? first theres a lot of blowing and sucking, and then u lose ur house!

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Q: What's big, brown, and smell like crap? A: Turd.

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What do you call a dancing panda bear? I'm not sure, but panda bears are pretty big, so the possibility of them dancing is highly unlikely.

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Girls Basketball.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A fat man fell on him

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Roses are red pineapple is yellow I'll shove your head up my ass so you can eat some marshmallows!

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if u like this i wont pay you a dollar

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Q. What did tthe little kid say when the bully punched him? A. Ow.

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window, at the 122th floor of a skyskraper.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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