Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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Yo momma's such a whore that she violates the sanctity of marriage by sleeping with men other than her husband.

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A man recently set the world record for jumping into a foot of water from 50 feet high. Luckily, this made the clean-up rather simple.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Me. Oh.

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A russian, a jew, and a black guy are walking down the street. The midget trips and knocks into the jew who in turn knocks into the black guy. It turns out that they all know each other from high school. They ended up going out for lunch and drinks and it actually turned into a great day.

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Did you hear the one about the Mexican that went to college? All his life, Juan wanted to get a decent education, but was unable to due to his family's low income. So Juan worked hard all his life, and got a part-time job. He made a little cash here, a little there. He also studied vigorously, getting a 33 on his ACT. All that work eventually paid off, and Juan was eventually accepted at Princeton University. Juan is now a highly paid Neurological surgeon, and has saved countless lives

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin right before they got in the b\Batmobile? A: "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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whats worse than bitting into ur apple and finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just murded noddy and his family who were making a nice little home in there

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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whats the same about a red crayon and a blue crayon? there both the same color except for the blue one

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A man and a woman have drunk, unprotected sex, and 9 months later, they have a beautiful baby girl. What did they call her? An accident.

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nathan your cats dead now...well hopefully

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A women left the kitchen.

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There's a priest, doctor, and blonde on a plane. At the end of the flight they all go their separate ways.

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A blonde takes a math test it says find x? She circles x and puts there it is!

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knock knock , who is there the postman the postman who ? the postman who is gonna give you a bill !

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toby limbers is gonna follow in his uncles footsteps, the gay ones

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I flipped through the Yellow Pages, made a few calls, and found the Chinese man I was looking for.

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What is worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

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Why did the young boy cross the road? because his dad beats him due to alcoholism and his mother is a crack whore.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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What's red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple? The Color Wheel.

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Why did the student have a staring contest with his teacher? Well, the teacher was actually unaware of the competition.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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