What's red and green And moves at 300mph A frog in a blender

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don't just stand there

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Your momma is so old, she qualifies for multiple financial aid programs provided by the government.

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Why didn't Fred answer his phone? Because Fred is a tree.

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Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

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Why did the white girl lose the race? The girl that she was beating was black and her boy shot her. Therefore the black girl won.

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If there are 50 bricks on an airplane, and 3 fall off, how many are left? It does not matter how many are left, however, the 3 falling bricks pose a serious safety threat and more should have occurred to properly secure the bricks from falling from the aircraft.

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Why did Jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Certainly not Jimmy.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, there is no reason for a chicken to need to cross a road.

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What did the teenage girl text her friend while driving? It doesn't matter, she's dead now. Don't text and drive.

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I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis.

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Why can't Michael Jackson work at a boy scouts camp? Because he's dead.

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Q: How many Jews can u fit in a bathtub? A: Well it depends if you use their ashes.

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Once soon a time there was a boy named steven. He dropped his ice cream because... You know the rest

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What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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what's worse than being hiv+? having full blown aids.

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Say the line below all very fast to get sudden strange sensation... Magic-ish. I like to find threes and peel of their... BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK... ...BARKBARK BARK BARK BARK BARK! Done? Now sit Down, have a little treat Good boy/girl! :Look well at the sun, the jagged Blackness will consume all, Your little star forever but a ever fading memory.

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Knock Knock Who's There Al Qaeda

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. Oh, OK I'll be there in a sec. *opens door* Did you bring the blender and the baking tray? Oh no I forgot I'll run back and get them.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Today I'll wear a hat on my head Instead of a shoe.

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Why did little Suzan fall of the swing? She has no arms. Knock,Knock Who's there? Not Suzan

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what do you get when you come across a old dog with herpes, a fat man with herpes and an apple? you get nothing but the satisfaction of seeing such a horrific sight

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Roses are red.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops