You wanna see something really scary?

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A lonely man walks into a Self-Esteem class. He sits alone in the back because of his low self-esteem. Forever alone.

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he is quite wealthy.

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Your mumma is so fat, she has diabetes.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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Why doesn't Hitler drink whiskey? Because it makes him mean.

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A Mexican, a Jew, an American and an Indian are on a plane with no parachutes. No one jumps out because no one has a parachute.

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whats worse than gill? nothing

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a skinny sumo wrestler

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my d i c k in your a s s.

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what happened to the asian who failed his math quiz... his parents killed him

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roses are red violets are blue me + you =the perfect 2

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Once, I went to Peru.

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When does Adolf Hitler get horny? When his hormones start at it when looking at women.

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roses are red you are dumb no one will care when you die

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Why couldn't the girl talk... she chocked to death -Alan Davis

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whats worse that being raped by a giant squirrel? being raped by two giant squirrels.

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A man walks in to a bar, He sits down and enjoys a pint.

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Dave: Knock, knock Steven: Come in.

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Robin, get in the car, please.

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Why is Chuck Norris so frickin awesome? He just is cause he's chuck norris

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Why did annie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms! Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Annie!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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