A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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What did the black guy say to the white guy? What did the black guy say o the white guy

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You say: Why did the chicken cross the road? Response: Why? (or some other answer to a different joke) You say: To get to your house! Knock, knock. Response: Who's there? You say: The CHICKEN!!!!

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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Once i was walking down the street when i saw a homeless man As i leant to give him money he jumped up and stabbed me. Now i don't approach drunk strangers with hangovers

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A clueless chicken walks into a bar. Now being cooked on the BBQ.

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Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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Why not zoidburg? Because Zoidburg is a alien from another planet and the human population is probally afraid to talk to him do to the potential danger of alien contact.

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Q. What is worse than being raped A. Being raped twice

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How do you get a ninja to do a backflip? Ask him nicely.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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How do you know a black man's been in your backyard? If you throw a barbecue and your friends of African-American descent decide to bring cold cuts.

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Roses are red My balls are blue Get off Unless You want too

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There are two muffins sitting in an oven, one muffin says to the other; boy it's hot in here. the other other muffin doesn't reply because it's a muffin, muffins don't talk. Now consider that the first muffin was a squirrel, A TALKING SQUIRREL!

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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A duck walks into a bar and orders 2 beers and a shot. The bartender says "That'll be four fifty." The duck says he doesn't have any money and asks if the bartender can put it on his bill. The bartender says "No." He then picked the duck up by the neck and raped him mercilessly. "That's what he gets" one patron said. "Yeah, he was asking for it"

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We are as to jokes as atheists are to religion.

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Why do Mexican's wear pointy shoes? Because its part of their culture and is used as a sign of dignity when dancing to tribal music

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What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. The ocean is inanimate and therefore incapable of speech.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? A worm in your asshole.

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three gay men were sitting in a hottub. a condom floats to the surface. why the hell were you watching them?

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What did the dog say when the tiger bit him? Nothing. Dogs don't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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