Who gets more action than my best friend Reese? My raped cousin....

why is king kong so fat? because he eats to mucj

what is red, black, and blue all over? A horribly painted room.

Dumb

what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

What happened when the chicken crossed the road? The Farmer immediately noticed the oncoming car and flagged it down so the driver would stop and he could grab his chicken and carry it safely back to the coop

What do you get when you cross Winter Squash, Beets, Ham, Coffee, Spinach, Hexamine, Cadmium, Detergent, and some love? A bowl full of crap.

How did Chinese people get their names? They throw their pots and pans down the stairs. It says, "CHING CHANG CHONG!!!"

What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

I created darkness. God created the stars. God created the bee. I created the wasp. God created the child. I banged your mother. Moral: Soon my wings of darkness shall destroy your very own star, these words seem empty now, so I will fill them with true meaning and purpose as I will give the same to you the day the sky brightens no more.

"Knock Knock" "Whos there?" "Interrupting kid with ADHD" *I did not respond, as I knew he would interrupt me before I was able to finish the sentence.*

What did the tree say to the other tree?....nothing cause trees can't talk!

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What did Valerie get for her birthday? Nothing. Because no one loves her

Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

How did the polack burn his hands on the stove? He placed his hands on the hot stove top burners not realizing they were hot.

What do u call a banana? A banana......

An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

Do gingers have souls ? No, Gingers are a myth made up in the 13th centuary to scare little kids.