- Anti Joke

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They took away privileges that she normally would have had had she not misbehaved.

If there are 2 narwhals and two apples, why is each of the narwhals happy? Because each is a narwhal.

Q: why do english soldiers have red coats? A: to cover the blood stains, so they can still lead their platoons when they are shot. why else?

Q: What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A: A pharmacist

Q: Why didn't the little boy get his bike for christmas? A: He died from cancer

Why was Sally rolling in the grass? She was on fire.

what has two eyes and a face? the 5 year old who got raped on his way back home last night.

Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

An Asian man, a black man, and a gay man walk into a bar. They all buy the same drink, are charged the same price and say " We are all equal! " They then continue on with their days normaly.

There was a dog walking down the street with his GF. The dog can have a GF and can talk because this is an anti joke. Then the dog broke up with his GF because he was unhappy with her scent. Dogs are weird that way. Then, sobbing, he saw something through the blur of his tears. The county fair was open! Elated, the dog ran to the fair and waited n the ticket line for a long time. He waited so long, he almost exploded. Once he got to the end, he reached in his coat pocket (yeah, the dog is wearing a coat. It's cold), and found no wallet. FUUUUUUU! By the time he got back, the fair was closed for the day. The next time he came back, he had a hard time getting through the line. When he did, he raced to the ferris wheel. Halfway up, the ferris wheel stopped. CWAP! The neckst daey, thee dwawg whent two the ferries weele and went up. Yay. At the top, he saw his house! there was a chicken crossing the road. WTF? Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. Phuck yeah.

Why didn't the Alzheimers patient put on her shoes? She didn't leave the elderly home that day, thus taking away the need to put on shoes.

How do you tell the difference between a pig and a sea pig? If you open your mouth and it fills with water, you are an idiot

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Depends. Some are vegetarians or vegans, while most eat a mixture of vegetables and meat.

Hi

Why did the chicken was the boat see the genie yes but dog said meow? Last night when you were sleeping, I took a dump in your shoes and used your toothbrush to wipe my butt. Then I took your wallet and flushed down the toilet.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

a burglar walks in a house the alarm goes off and the police come

Knock Knock. Who's there? A dozen burly firefighters ready to stick it in your pooper

Why did the boy in a wheelchair cry? His mum just got shot in front of his eyes.

The indistinguishable bug corrupts a bond arrow.

Why don't women need watches? Because they probably have a cell phone, which works just as well.

What's awesome and looks like a pumpkin? An awesome pumpkin.

Knock knock Who's there? What are you, blind?

how do you kill Lady Gaga? with a gun.