What did the cat say to another ? meow

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why did the lion get lost? because the jungle is massive.

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your mammas so fat she has to buy pants in the xxlarge section of the store

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What do you call a white person on a leash? A toddler.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

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Rosa Parks is going to be here if she gets to the bus on time!

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Yo mama so fat, she was accepted to a clinical trial for treatment of morbid obesity in middle-aged women.

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What's the worst part about seeing a dead baby on the beach? The crushing sadness.

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Why didn't the boy get any presents for christmas? There is no Santa Claus.

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what did batman say to robin before getting into the car? get in the car.

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's me Ok, come in (the knockers voice was familiar enough that giving a name would have been out of place)

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Why did the blond play Russian roulette? She is very poor and needs the money so she can feed her son.

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What do you call two gay black men? Homosexuals.

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Q. Why can’t a teacher lift weights? A. Because, most teachers are women and most women do not enjoy It.

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Q: Why can't Elvis Presley drive a car backwards? A: Because he's dead.

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Q: How does Lady Gaga like her meat? A: Exactly what her preference is.

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I've got a joke for you. The people writing these jokes. Thats a joke.

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Yo momma's so ugly, she decided to get plastic surgery and now has much higher self-esteem.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves when he realizes he is supposed to be at a business meeting

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What's the square root of four? Two.

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar. I don't know what happens next, I got the fuck out of there before shit went down

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You should really respect vegetables more. They rock. They're all like... AAAHH!!!... and I'm all like... DUDE! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY RANDOM!... and seriously, you should respect da veggies!

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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