Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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Why was the woman poor at driving? Because she had not yet passed her driving test.

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RULES: #1) have fun #2) safety first

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Q: Why was Seven afraid of Eight? A: He was octophobic.

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What did the man say to his son? Hello, son.

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What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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The chicken came before the egg. Because eggs are an unborn chicken, and it is impossible for an unborn chicken to ejaculate.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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Why is Joe white? Because he's white.

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What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

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Knock knock. Who's there? Becca. I just found out i have aids, so you should probably get yourself checked out.

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Did you hear that joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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What's the difference between an old quarter and a new penny? 24 cents

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World Peace

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A Mexican, A Jew and a Irishman walk into a grocery store...The Mexican buys some bread, the Jew buys some bread... and the Irishman buys some bread.

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What is the biggest lie in the universe? I love you.

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a fat man eats porkchops all day ling shit a just craped my pants

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How many rats live in a llamas stomach? the cats pajamas

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Why did the woman drop her baby? she had a stroke.

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What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

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What's the difference between people who make dead baby jokes and people who don't make dead baby jokes? I don't avoid eye contact with people who don't make dead baby jokes.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a wonderful time.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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