How do you know if elephants are watching a movie? If a Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside the movie house.

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Robert: wanna hear a joke? Robort:ok, shoot. Robert: *BANG!*

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When was George Washington born? Who the hell knows. He's older than dirt.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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Q. How do you blindfold a Chinese man? A. With a blindfold.

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A.act like u see a banner and say hey do you see that banner over there? B.no what are u talking about A.oh well there's a banner over there

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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What did the black college graduate say to the Jewish high school dropout? Do you want me to also clean your fourth floor executive bathroom, Mr. Bernstein?

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How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door.

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How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

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What's big and grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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Q: Why was the prostitute's mouth sore? A: She had multiple cavities due to poor dental hygiene.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out if the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, Monkey do.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i get tired of this shit let's have some grey goose

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theres a black guy and a mexican whos driving the cop

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? Cause 7 was a petophile and 6 has four children

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snooki

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what happens when you throw a green rock into the red sea? -- it gets wet

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A Penguin Waddles into Abercrombie and Fitch.

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Where does a blind person drive a car? Into a tree.

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CAVE JOHNSON.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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