What is Green and taste like an apple? An Apple

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What do call a black piano player? A pianist.

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Whats funny about a car crash? If a bowl of soup is talking.

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A homeless man comes home from work.

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Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

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What's better than finding a worm in your apple? -The Holocaust

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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"Ask me if I am a Lemon?" "Are you a Lemon?" "Yes, ask me if I'm an Orange" "No, I'm a Lemon."

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Q: What do you call a guy that likes men? A: Gay.

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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What is the difference between a joke, and an antijoke? A joke is actually funny.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

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knock knock whose there?? seth oh, come in

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Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

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Why did Suzy's neck hurt? Because it was broken

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because horses do not comprehend English. He then becomes startled by his surroundings and bolts out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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My cat used to be afraid of storms. But now it's dead.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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A black man walked into a bar. Had a drink, and left.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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Why I the kid still at school? His mom was brutally run over by a car

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How many Mexicans can you fit into a car? The bathroom is on the left, mam.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? *Silence* (The person knocking is deaf)

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Why did the people thumbs-up the anti-joke? Because I threatened them with A GUN

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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