A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

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Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and suffered from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in his head, he is being treated by medical professionals

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A man walks into work and massacres 20 due to a mental illness.

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If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

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One cold winter day in Russia, a man asked a tree if he was cold. The tree did not reply, and the man became depressed.

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<3 ... it looks more like scissors than a heart...

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cook Pu. Ok then. Kelvin Yang.

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What is blue and angry? Mr Johnston wearing his green dress. I'm colour blind but he came round to my way of thinking in the end.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, Death is inevitable.

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Three aliens land in the middle of New York City. There is a huge media story about the first extraterrestrial life to be discovered on Earth.

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Spongebob: Patrick! Can you hear me? Patrick: No, it's too dark.

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What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

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roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

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Whats funnier than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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1 friend request facebook: ignore. Nuff said

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How many dead babes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? its not possible because there all dead

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What's Jewish and gay? Henry Shine

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how do you get a black guy out of a tree? ask himnicely and if he doesn't promptly call the fire department

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- Knock knock - Excuse me, I don't have time, my house is on fire ! - We're the firemen.

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What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

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Why did the blonde walk into the wall? I lied it was nathaniel nugnes

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What's a ghost's favourite country? Fraaaaance.

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How do you make someone think your wierd? Pretend to be a panda.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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