sooo.how do you get a bonner when your in a room with lady gaga???? you tell lady gaga to turn around and you think of brittany spears bending over get it nahhh probably not

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why did the boy drop his Ice cream? A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

why did the man fall over he was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What do you call Santa's helpers? Chinese factory workers, who live in impoverished conditions, work up to 16 hours a day, earning slave wages. God damn you, Steve Jobs and Mattel.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

poop

thumb_up thumb_down -44

GUYS! I GOT AN A IN MY PIANO EXAM!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I have a crush on my dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Why was the Asian so good at ping-pong? Disciprine.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Why did the girl commit suicide? She has been abused severely for seven years by her pet kangaroo.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

What did the man do when he walked into the gym? Died of a brain aneurysm.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

knock knock who's there? a murder who? a murder who kills you and your family.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

What's a black person's favorite thing to eat? Food.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

I have a sandwich and chips for lunch! But instead of a sandwich I have macaroni, and instead of chips I have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

what's worse than a hole in your sock? Getting raped!

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What did one ear say to the other ear? Did you hear that?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Man walks into a gun store, buys a gun. The same man goes home and lives happily till he dies of cancer. His son takes the gun shots himself, survives then later dies of cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Bill: Did you hear someone said you sounded like an owl? Dave: Who?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

A black guy and a few other white guys steal a keg. They then proceed to have an awesome party consisting of extreme inebriation and a massive orgy.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

The Treatment of Steve Bartman

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops