hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Dog Dog wh- wait how did you knock? *mindblown*

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have STD's, Now so do you!

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Q: A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!" Why? A: The man walked into a METAL bar.

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Denard Robinson

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what did the apple say to the orange? nothing, stupid, apples can't talk

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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the other day i was walking down the street and saw a black man carrying a tv. i thought to myself, "hey that looks like mine!" but then i was like nawwwwwww, mine's at home...... shining my shoes -_-

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Three girls are walking in the woods they see tracks one thinks it is a bear the other thinks it is a deer the last one thinks it is a lion They all argue till they get hit by a train and realized they were train tracks

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

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Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

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A jumpercable walks in the bar the bartender says ill get you something but dont start anything.

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WHAT DOES A NUMBER DO WHEN IT'S HORNE? MATHDERBATION

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Yo mama is so fat that her doctor advised her to get some exercise or risk developing a heart condition!

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Wat did the man say to the other man when they were alone. We dont know. They were alone.

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if u read this u r bent A. Now your bent

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What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

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Q:what do you get when you get when you cross a dog and a human A: a human-dog hybrid with AIDS

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i punched my mother in the face once she cried

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Do you like fish sticks? Yes. Me too.

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Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

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My brother gave my mom AIDS. My mom gave my dad AIDS. My dad gave my dog AIDS. My dog gave me AIDS. I gave my sister AIDS. My sister called the police because of the wild case of AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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