How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail the other one to the floor.

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How are elephants and plumbs the same? A: They are both purple, except for the elephant.

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Why did the bald man go to hospital? Because we was getting chemotherapy

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Why was the boy seeing stars? It was night time.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had gotten out of its coop.

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So a blonde a, a red head, and a brunette crash land on an island, they all died within a week...

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Q: Why shouldn't you walk under a ladder? A: Because it could fall on top of you. Be a reasonable human being and just fly OVER the ladder.

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Black people having a Job.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

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What's worse than being short? Being a Tutsi in 1994.

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What's brown and smells like paint? -Poop. I don't know why it smells like paint though..

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What do you call a fat guy running on the street? Nothing because you should respect his effort trying to improve his health.

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back at her

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What is fat and ginger? No...Not Garfield...Rebeka Tims

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head first into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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A man rode into town on Friday and came out on Friday how did he manage this? He stayed for a couple of hours

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because it is humanly impossible to draw a perfect circle.

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Why didn't Jane go to school last Thursday? It was summer. No one went to school last Thursday.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why can't a chicken cross a road without it being questioned?

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Mack: Hello Jonathan: Hi Mack: My name is Mack, what's your name? Jonathan: My name is Billy Mack: You liar! I'm reading this post at anti-joke.com and whenever you reply, your name shows Johnathan! Johnathan: Well Mack, I guess you broke the 4th wall. By the way, this joke is over in 3, 2, 1...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops