A: what did one apple say to the other apple. B: Nothing apples cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

An old man walks into a bar. He drinks 3 beers and dies. The bartender calls paramedics but when the police came they arrested the bartender for beating his wife. A few hours later an earthquake destroys the bar and everyone was evacuated and many were injured. The manager was driving to the scene but has a car accident with the ambulance. It was such a bad day.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What would a gay man do with a jelly doughnut? Thoroughly enjoy its fruity taste.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why is my penis so small? No, seriously, can anyone tell me?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack has a crippling addiction to Cocaine which ultimately led to his divorce and the subsequent loss of custody of his children.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

star wars kid

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Burrinbar Smells like incest anal sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You know what they say about a man's feet... No i don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is similar about Michael Jackson and Walmart? Nothing they have nothing to do with each other

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q; why did the German ask the Jew to go in his shower? A; because the Jew had stayed the night at the Germans house.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What happens when you fire a machine gun clip into a jew? You are convicted on first degree murder, and most likely sentenced to jail because you can't afford a good lawyer. Orange jumpsuits are uncomfortable.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the plane leave late? Because they were out of Kellogg's® Breakfast Cereal.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Think of a number, add it by 7, subtract it by 2, and multiply it by 4. Now close your eyes, isn't it dark?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Romney loose the election? Because Obama had more votes

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the man have sex with other men? Because he was homosexual.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Go to this website and this game is an antijoke to laugh at http://iamhelenkeller.com/

thumb_up thumb_down +21

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops