A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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Why did the jew kill himself? Because he had no foreskin.

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? An ak-47

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- Hi, my name is Sarah Lennon. - Wow! Are you related to Sarah Palin?!

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Why did the women sleep in the kitchen. Due to the poverty levels of her area of residence, sub-sahara Africa, she, her 7 children and 3 orphaned nephews lived in one ram shackled room with a corrugated iron roof which served as a multi-purpose kitchen, bedroom, lounge and greeting area.

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Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and the Devil all walk into a bar. Biden and Obama order a couple of beers and begin quietly conversing, while their security detail stands next to them. "The Devil" is actually a heavily tattooed performance artist, who in 1999 legally changed his name from Jim Larson. He has just gotten off work at his day job (a paralegal at a medium-sized firm), and is relaxing with a Johnnie Walker at the bar. Although he notices the president and vice president nearby, he has seen many politicians during his time working in DC, and so hardly pays attention.

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A black man and a white woman cross paths while walking on the sidewalk. After greeting each other, they continue on their way. Each goes on to enjoy their respective day free of racism and sexism.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Delivery for a Mr. Peerson? Oh yes, that's me. Thank you.

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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There once was a man from Peru, Whose limericks all stopped on line two.

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how did the guy in the wheelchair cross the road he didnt he got dragged down the street cause his chair was hooked to the bus

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure. Ok,

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Q: What's gray and comes in gallons? A: Gray paint.

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whats long, black, and smells like shit? a big turd

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Its about rewriting the laws of the universe and nothing less, yes yes theoretically the subconcious has unlimited potential (or at least potential we humans cannot theoretically comprehend nor define). But what if I can use my consciousness to trick my subconsciousness? What if I use the subconsciousness to trick the consciousness into tricking the subconciousness?

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why is the man laughing. he isn't, he's just been informed he has testicular cancer.

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What did the athiest get for christmas? Well he shouldn't get anything becuase he doesn't belive in jesus.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam.

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Yo momma was so ugly that everybody died.

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What is hard, long, moist, and flesh colored? A hotdog you dirty, dirty bastard!

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penis

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Did you hear about the 2 car crash in a walmart parking lot? 50 mexicans died

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What time is it? I just looked at my clock on the wall. It is 9:14 AM Eastern Standard Time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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