What's faster than a black man carrying your TV? The law enforcement that promptly catches him and is about to charges him with theft regardless of his ethnicity because stealing someone else's property is just generally an unlawful thing to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A group of blondes rent a car and decide to drive to Disney World. Along the highway, they see a sign reading "Disney World left." They exit the highway, turn left, and enjoy their well-deserved vacation from practicing law.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

YOU

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A boy with cancer decides to go skydiving for his 18th bithday. Unfortunately, his parchute doesn't work & he dies before he hits the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A young boy asks his father if there will be cake at the party. The father tells him there won't be and tells him to f*ck off.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what do you find at the top of mountains? things

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the difference between a whore and a blonde? There is not enough information to answer this question.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it has a serious crack addiction and there was a drug dealer on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do elephants and grapes have in common? They are both purple arpart from the elephant, which is grey. I lied about it being purple

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Women's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whos allergic to BS You R! :D

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why doesn't anyone like reed? who cares, no one likes reed

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a group of black people in a lamboghini..... Unlikely

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar, prompting the show-jumping judges to subtract points for failing to clear the obstacle.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did the man break his arm raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Recycling anti-jokes

thumb_up thumb_down +12

i like my coffee like i like my women... Without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats worse than being out in the cold? Being on the sun.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How does he keep getting girls to sleep with him? Bear-traps..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the old man drop his milk? He had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did Hitler say to his empire, A lot of stuff that I am to lazy to look up, all i know that the holocaust was bad and we shouldn't repeat it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops