My grandmother always said "slow and steady wins the race."...... She died in a fire

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Did you hear about the absent minded professor that tried to change the tire on his pickup truck? He forgot to lock the jack and the truck crushed his head like and egg shell.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Captchas.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme But this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you make a baby float? Two scopes of Ice cream and two scopes of baby.....and the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what is big and green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A snooker table

thumb_up thumb_down +1

can i have 10 pounds to go to the cinema?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happend to the man who walked into a forrest? He got raped by a giant vicious mutant spider

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do jews like the most? money, because they're all greedy fat nosed cunts

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q. how do you get 50 babies into a bowl? A. blender Q. how do you get them out of the bowl? A. Doritos

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man knocks on a wooden door. A woman says who is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

who is gay for wild ones- Ryan Mcgggguigan

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I AM DEAD, FUCKING, SERIOUS! NOW GET OVER HERE MOMMY I WANT TO... ...Thats pretty disgusting, I was born a man, maybe an infant man, but a man regardless. So how about you stop showcasing me to people here and we just take off? I mean I am dead tired and sleepy, I would say good night, but its day here now so yeah.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

All the other dinosaurs were laughing and teasing the tyrannosaurus because of his tiny arms. They left and the T.rex was sobbing uncontrollably next to a giant fern. "What's the matter little fellow?" said Jesus. The crying dinosaur looked down and said "I That's the end of my stupid puppet show, cuz I couldn't think of anything a blubbering dinosaur would say to our Lord and saviour.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red, Violets are blue, My name's Dave, Microwave!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why didn't the chicken cross the road. Because it was hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What kind of condoms do cows use? None.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops