What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing? An anchor

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An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scott land on an island. They were on vacation and returned to the UK, which consists of two isles.

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Why did the TV not turn off? You need to use a remote.

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why cant ben cry, because i gorged his eyes out with a popsickle stick.....

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what is more funny than watching a baby fly in a circle at 100 mph stopping it with a shovel

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How do the Chinese name their children? They decide on a name that both parents can agree upon, and they write that on the certificate of birth.

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What do you call a boy with one eye and no arms. -Mean names.

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what is the difference between the dead baby and the sandwich? i don't put my penis into the sandwich before i eat it.

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Covert trance, black Ops, and something I kinda made up myself. The first two are basically using suggestions without the victim being aware of it, that is how that famous bank robber that just asks nicely for all the cash and gets it succeeds. The other is tricking the "allmighty" subconcious and again, my own invention people claim its called "this and that", I know, because I coined most of the terms. Anyway, you put people into a deep state of trance, you tell them to take a step forward into the sea, and well, you actually led them down the top of a skyscraper or something fun... "Now... Suck on the lollipop I have between my, okay ill stop"

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Cinema greatest shit final, anime and videogames dont translate well into movies edition: One day... a young man named Tyler Reed, is chased by the notorious bully named Peter Ganondorf... Just then... he coincidentally utters "I AM THE LINK!" And a great lightning bolt strikes him... Tyler Becomes THE LINK! As for Peter Ganondorf... he became a pile of burning ashes... But Just then THE LINK, gets contacted by Jessica Fairy! And receives a important message... The evil Dr.Bullshitious has destroyed the connection without earth and planet Zelda! And that is bad... BECAUSE! Can Tyler Reed use his powers of lightning fast flight, and collect the TWO pieces of the mystic "triforce" to earn the ultimate weapon? The Master gun! Most importantly, can he become THE LINK between Planet Zelda and Earth? *Shows random shots that you cant make shit of like those movies you know suck just from the narration* ZELDA: THE LINK TO PLANET EVOLUTION! Moral: Still better than Dragon Ball Evolution...

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How many gun shots does it take to kill you? 1..2... 3...4... Samantha reapeatedly kept shooting her enemy until she noticed that her enemy was Chuck Norris. So how many gunshots does it take to kill Chuck Norris? The world may never know.

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Goats are like toilets, I shit in them

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Did you see my sandwitch? No. I am your sandwitch, and therefore no one thought to put me up to a mirror. Would you like me to? No. I have no eyes. And why are you talking to a sandwitch??? ...

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A Jew walks on his way to work. He does not notice the quarter lying on the sidewalk and did not care for the dollar lying on the other side of the road.

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What did the doctor tell his patient? Unfortunately you have cancer.

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Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? A: It's hard to say. HR can not discuss the details of her termination, and the blonde signed a non-discloure agreement. She has since relocated to Biloxi with her family and is doing quit well.

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Whats black on top and white on bottom? Rape.

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Can you guess what one black child got while passing through an all-white neighborhood in the middle of the night? Home safely.

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roses are red violets are red everything is red who set my house on fire

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What did Robert Kardashian say at O.J.'s most recent trial? Nothing. He died of esophagal cancer

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An English Grammar Expert writes a very intelligent essay.

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life is like a box of chocolates, it sucks if you have diabetes

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Why does Mario grown on shrooms? Because they bloom inside of him.

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Why did the little boy have gum on his shoe? Because he stepped on it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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