Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

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What's the difference between a Green Grocers and Fighter pilot! One flys a plane and one sells food.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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*Knock knock! "Who's there?" "Jehovah's witness" .....

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What has four legs and starts with the letter D? A cow.

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How do you protect yourself from fire? Kill an orphan and nail its bones to your skin.

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*DRRRRIN* Finally someone uses the doorbell.

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Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

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What is pink, female and has two dicks? A mother with two sons, both called Richard.

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Penis.

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A man walks into a bar...... He then wakes up in a hospital. along with a large bruise on his forehead.

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An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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Q: Whats worse than dropping your ice cream? A: Dropping two ice creams. Q: Whats worse than dropping two ice creams? A: The Holocaust. Q: Whats worse than the Holocaust? A: Dropping three ice creams.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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Sticks and stones may break my bones... and my pistol will kill you.

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YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse world in which we live.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because someone was chasing it with an axe.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Tell her to inform the police that her significant other is assaulting them and that she should file a restraining order.

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Why did the rabbit jump? Because that's what rabbits do.

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What did Helen Keller say after the Iron Maiden show? Nothing, she is a mute.

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Dad, why are we Swedish? Because antilopes and the butterfly effect son.

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womens rights

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Q: What has eyes but can't see, has arms but no hands and legs but no feet A: a blind man with his hands and feet amputated with cancer

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What do you call a dog eating a dead dog? A hungry dog

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops