Where does the Queen keep her armies? In various military bases across the country.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Cot death.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

what did the mexicans name their daughter? nothing. they were deported before they had a chance

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Knock Knock Who's there? You have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A black guy, an asian guy, and a white guy jump off a cliff, who lands first? Well, newton's first law states that every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. So it depends on who weighs the most.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

There are two types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't. I happen to be one of those who can.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Hey i heard you where cool wait that was opposite day ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Knock Knock Who's there? ... No one, you have Schizophrenia

thumb_up thumb_down -30

You know that Duck song on youtube? I dont get it... ducks cant talk...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: What do you do when you find a black man bleeding from a bullet wound on your front porch? A: Call an ambulance! He may only have minutes to live before he bleeds to death! Hurry!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What is brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why did the Monkey Fall out of the tree? ..It was dead..

thumb_up thumb_down -38

why am i so pretty? because god blessed me with good looks

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A tragedy worse than 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

How do you confuse a blonde? Very carefully.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Roses are black, violets are black, we are all black Shit i'm colour blind

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Your mother is so stupid that she has trouble discerning certain facts from fiction.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Why did the man laugh when he saw someone using a shake weight? He remembered Dane Cook's stand up preformance from the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

A black guy, a white guy and a Pakistani are walking together when they see a lamp, They rub the lamp and out pops a Genie who, with only three wishes to grant, lets them have one wish each. The Pakistani wishes that all people of Pakistani origin are returned to their country with health and wealth. The black guy thinks this is a good idea and asks for the same for all Africans and Caribbean's. The white guy says "are there really no more Pakistani's or blacks in the country?" The Genie confirms this is accurate. The white guy is devastated, who will drive the buses, operate the power stations, produce the medicines and work in the hospitals that these people did? I wish for them to be returned.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

What happened when Aladdin rubbed his lamp? It got slightly cleaner.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why is there milk on the stairs? Did the cow leak again?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops