How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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Whats orange and looks like an orange? An orange.

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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A man walks into a bar. Several hours later he staggers out and drives into an oncoming school bus, killing all occupants. He survives to live with the grief for the rest of his life and attempts to commit suicide several times.

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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Roses are Brown Violets are Brown I hate everyone on antijoke that steals what I write I fisted a cows butt hole.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. It's the middle of winter. Flowers look like poop.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was infamous for stealing people's laundry, and 6 was insecure about his bare body

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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Q: A black person and a white person decided to have a race, who won? A: The black person, as he exercised and worked out on a regular basis, making him very fast.

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how do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

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Roses are red Violets are blue Little billy was annoying me But he can't anymore Because now he's dead In a burlap sack In the back of my truck And it's really bloody back there

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Babies are like landmines; when you step on them they explode.

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Knock knock. Who's there? *gun shot*

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whats gay ? you

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What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

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What's worse than 20 babies stapled to one tree? Getting life imprisonment after...

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*Knock-Knock* "Who's there?" "The police, you're under arrest for the murder of your wife and your two children."

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A black and a mexican start a resturaunt it turns out to be a big success and they make a chain and profit from it.

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How many drunk Irishmen did it take to change the lightbulb? None, the bulb was fine.

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Fuck her

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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