Listen, I do not really care anymore, I admit it, I dont mind screwing with people, but if your name is Tifa, my name is lets see... Solid Snake, yeah, but call me big boss. Listen, be honest with me, if you do not trust me, just do not give me a random name, Tifa as in Tifa Lockheart? Final Fantasy? Wake up, girl/guy, you are losing your touch at this.

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roses are red, violets are are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you

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What did the black man get for Christmas? A felony conviction.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You smell like lead, I did a poo.

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a seal walks into a club.

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What did little Susie give to young Billy on Christmas? Genital Herpes.

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Chuck norris doesnt mow his lawn, He calls someone to do it for him and then he pays them a great deal of money considering he has a large lawn.

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A man walks into a library looking for books on poor punchlines. The Librarian directs him to the appropriate section.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I dont really care anymore BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CLICHE!

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A man walks into a Norfolk pub. The landlord (not being very worldly) notices he is of Middle Eastern descent and asks "are you Bin Laden"? To this the man replies "No I bin Swaffham". (Needs to be said in Norfolk accent)

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Q.Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? A. It had contracted a serious illness. He had killed it as an act of mercy.

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what did Dr. Dre say? Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead!

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why did jimmy's mom fall off the cliff? i dont know.

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Why did the Black man buy some slaves? They were his family

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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"who you calling pinhead" tell me you know what thats off

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What do you get when you cross an ugly hobo and a diabetic? Don't talk about your mom like that.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who. *giggle*

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How many Poles does it take to change a lightbulb? Just the one, usually.

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What happens when you go swimming in the rain? You get wet.

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Whats the difference between an aboriginal and a deer? Nothing, infact they are quite similar, they have no house and smell like wild animals and jaywalk.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? About 800 pounds

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Whiney the poo and the blustery day.

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How many unicorns does it take to change a light bulb? 17. 11 if its Tuesday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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