Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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What's similar between the Alabama Crimson Tide and a maggot? They've both been feeding off of a dead Bear for 30 years...

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing. Cats can't talk.

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Q:Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Conrad Barry

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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What is worse than the holocaust Nothing it was fine with the Jews in camps burning and dying

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What did the meteorologist say when there was tornado? There is a tornado 7 miles West of the station.

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A bloke walked in to a bakers shop and asked for a loaf of bread. Certainly sir, said the assistant, white or brown?...it doesn't matter, answered the man, I've left my bike outside

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A Chinese man a Mexican and an American are all on a plane. They are all trying to get rid of stuff they have to much of in their country. The chinese man throws out a bowl of rice and says " we have to many of these in our country" the mexican throws out a taco and says " we have to many of these in our country" the American throws out the mexican and says "we have to many of these in our country"

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I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

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What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why did Johnny's pants fall down? Because he was fat.

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Why didn't Billy's parents get him any birthday presents? Billy was an accident.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? it had vaginal warts

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what you named it.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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Whats worse than falling off a bike? rape.

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Why was the boy at the funeral? Because he was dead.

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Why did the little boy cry and run home from the store? Because the store was out of pickles.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? I don't hammer the watermon

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Eddie Murphy's recent film career.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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