What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a fat kid? I don't know...you tell me

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocost

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If a chicken and a half layed an egg and a half in a day and a half how many pancakes does it take to shingle a roof? -A banana has no bones

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are red, violets are blue God made me beautiful, how about you?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock! Whos There? Paul Okay I was expecting you

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Haikus can be fun But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man rode into town on Friday and stayed a while and then left on Friday how did he manage this?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the Penis say to the Condom? Nothing. The human organ is not able to talk to another inanimate object, therefore it's impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why are black people so good at basketball? because they understand the fundamentals, work hard at becoming better, and have fun playing the game/

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: Why did Sara fall off the swing? A: She had no arms... Q: Knock Knock! Q: Who's there? A: NOT SARA! --- Q: Okay... What song does Sara sing to her arms? A: Somebody That I Used To Know... --- Now. If you're happy and you know it clap your... nevermind O_O

thumb_up thumb_down +19

There's a car about to hit me.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Your momma's so stupid that as a child she was often afraid to show her report card to her parents, for fear of their disapproval.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A handicapp walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Bumper Sticker: I Brake for Stop Signs

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the boy trip off a cliff? because he was clumsy.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

did you know, that a Bear has 42 teeth? massive erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you get when you have 10 kids in a church? A lot of rape cases.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's red ad looks like a green bucket? A red bucket to a color blind person

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is blind and death, making her oblivious of her surroundings and would be a danger to fellow commuters. -mac

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops